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konkeydongcountry

that snorlax .gif reminded me of one of my favorite animals ever, an elephant seal called Homer who went on a months-long rampage of car-humping destruction in a new zealand town

some highlights of homer’s odyssey:

causing tons of property damage by attempting to fuck cars, boat trailers, trees, and trash cans (did i mention that he weighed two tons)
he was apparently particularly attracted to red cars
at one point, the population of Gisborne attempted to contain him by putting barriers on the boat ramp he’d been using to get on land
his response was to wait for a swell to move the barriers, get back on shore, cross the road, and fuck a power box, cutting off the electricity to a local restaurant and the coast guard building (and presumably tasering his own dick in the process)
accidentally offset some of the property-damage costs by bringing in busloads of japanese tourists who were at the time visiting a city a few miles over
(there was one claim that he also squished a person who got too close to him, but i can’t find anything backing this up)
he was later revealed to have been the same elephant seal who had previously terrorized the town of Christchurch, hundreds of miles away
in Christchurch, he was recorded climbing a two-meter wall, breaking into a mall, and humping more cars and trash cans
(this isn’t even the first time something like this has happened, as an elephant seal in Coromandel became a local celebrity in the 80s after coming ashore and trying to fuck cows; Humphrey was later immortalized with a fiberglass statue)
Gisborne’s local radio station created a (now-defunct) website for him called “Homer’s Home,” complete with a forum for people to track his amorous adventures and a page where kids could send him emails of support
just look at him

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.